The Wall

I hit the wall tonight.

I had this horrible moment when all I wanted was a hot fudge sundae. With extra hot fudge. And nuts. And whipped cream. And a cherry. The more I thought about it, the more futile and pointless the whole dieting thing seemed to be. It's going to take forever and what's the freaking point anyway?!?

I let myself be in that place for a while. I wallowed in the self-pity. I cried for a bit. I took a nap.

Then I went out on the porch and ate a plum and watched the sun set. I got over the wall. But I don't want to forget how scarey it was to find myself face-to-face with Giving Up.

Added the next morning:
I set down and wrote the progress I've made. Three weeks ago I got exhausted walking from my front door to my car. Now I'm able to run for 90 seconds. Three weeks ago I could barely do the stretches to warm up to run. Now those exercises are easy. Six weeks ago I felt ugly and fat every single time I got dressed. Now I'm putting clothes in the Goodwill pile. Six weeks ago I felt tired and fuzzy all the time. Now I have energy and feel focused. It's tiny...but it's progress.